been away

I’ve been away. I lost the baby I was carrying on August 28th and it was quite a traumatic experience. I was 16wks pregnant and basically delivered the baby into my hands in the bathroom after contractions and my waters breaking early. I didn’t realise it would look like a baby at this stage and so we (hubby and I) had a massive shock. I had to go to hospital to dettach the baby from the cord and deliver the placenta.

The hospital were very sensitive. I realise to them our baby was just a foetus but to us it was our ‘baby’. I heard its heartbeat and held its lifeless little body in my hand. I said goodbye and kissed my son or daughter goodbye. I believe they are with God now. Trisomy 18 had been mentioned at the 12wk scan but we won’t get the post mortem results until October 12th.

One week after delivering the baby we went to Rwanda for nearly 4 weeks. The last minute preparations were a welcome distraction but the first few weeks were hard as I started to come to terms with the loss of our baby. We had a huge church wedding and a christening for our little boy, spent lots of time with family and exploring the country.
Now I’m back I miss it so much. I didn’t miss the Uk at all. Just the internet and if we moved there which we are talking about we would have the internet. We would be about to offer J a much better quality of life than we can here. Although I would definatley miss my mum and two sisters but there is Skype and email!