been away

I’ve been away. I lost the baby I was carrying on August 28th and it was quite a traumatic experience. I was 16wks pregnant and basically delivered the baby into my hands in the bathroom after contractions and my waters breaking early. I didn’t realise it would look like a baby at this stage and so we (hubby and I) had a massive shock. I had to go to hospital to dettach the baby from the cord and deliver the placenta.

The hospital were very sensitive. I realise to them our baby was just a foetus but to us it was our ‘baby’. I heard its heartbeat and held its lifeless little body in my hand. I said goodbye and kissed my son or daughter goodbye. I believe they are with God now. Trisomy 18 had been mentioned at the 12wk scan but we won’t get the post mortem results until October 12th.

One week after delivering the baby we went to Rwanda for nearly 4 weeks. The last minute preparations were a welcome distraction but the first few weeks were hard as I started to come to terms with the loss of our baby. We had a huge church wedding and a christening for our little boy, spent lots of time with family and exploring the country.
Now I’m back I miss it so much. I didn’t miss the Uk at all. Just the internet and if we moved there which we are talking about we would have the internet. We would be about to offer J a much better quality of life than we can here. Although I would definatley miss my mum and two sisters but there is Skype and email!

getting there

The robot embriodery is finished, I just need to bind it which I have started.

I started working on some new toy designs and those will be in my shop within the next few days. I really like the direction I’m going in but I wonder if I’ll ever be able to make a living having my own business. So many talented people are trying the same thing and struggling to make ends meet I wonder why I think it will be any different for me. I have to give this ago because I want to stay home with my son. I also don’t know if I mentioned but I am expecting again which means we will (hopefully all going well) have 2 children under two which not only expensive to put them in full-time childcare while I go to work but also not what I would want at all.  I know not all women have the choice and I am grateful that for the time being I have the option to stay at home.